You have reached Ianto Jones. I am unable to take your call right now, so please choose one of the following options.

#1 - If you would like to leave a voicemail
#2 - If you would like to send a text message
#3 - If you would like to have a voice conference
#4 - If you would like for me to return your call
#0 - If you would like to disconnect.

Thank you.

[ooc: Also jumping on the bandwagon! A way to get into contact with Ianto if he doesn't have a post to comment on, or it doesn't relate. Options are self-explanatory!]

I have to say, it's been pretty busy lately, what with Jack being a mouse - really, City? - and our new arrival to the house.

I hope everyone has wished mum and new baby the very best.

[ooc: I need to make some apologies for not being around so much. I recently got a new job, and while I'm allowed to work from home, most of the work is in the evenings. I'm working with this, though, and I will be around a lot more in the future!]

Wonderful, just...

Well it is the City. Should be used to things like this by now.

Oh, for...

I just managed to clean all the permanent marker from my coffee machine and now. Well. You may as well see for yourselves.



Wonderful.

After an interesting topic of conversation I recall...

English is a bastard language. I hope that those of you who's mother tongue is English know that. There is no such thing as a pure language really, granted, but English is one hell of a mongrel.

Audio

*Sound of a pen cap being pulled off, and something metal being written on in permanent marker*

And this is mine too.

This is pretty much a notice to the City in general.

In my own world, I’m known for being able to get my hands on anything except a kid that I need to. I’m thinking of bringing this into the City as a business venture.

Basically, if you need it, I can get it.

There will be two methods of payment for my services. Money, which will be calculated upon the difficulty of procuring what you require, or, if you wish instead, you will owe me a favour.

If you choose to owe me a favour, then I will take note of what you can do for me. If it’s something that matches what you require, then it will be a deal, but if it isn’t, then we can work something out. I may call in the favour straight away, or it may be months and months before I do, but I’ll always give you adequate notice of my calling it in beforehand.

All transactions can be carried out completely privately if you wish.

I reserve the right to refuse any transaction and break any deal at any point if I believe that you have intentions to use it to harm others in any way.

If you wish to contact me, then you can reach me at all times on my mobile phone.

[ooc: In his canon, Ianto is known for being able to source anything he wants. I thought I’d bring this over into play and see how it goes!

Ianto will be able to get things WITHIN REASONABLE LIMITS. For example, he wouldn’t be able to get you a whole car, but he would be able to gather all the parts needed for a car over time, and then point you in the direction of a car mechanic to help build the car. He will not be able to get your character any items that break Poly’s rules.]

( Action inside the Beach House )

Audio

Freedom at last, or not.

I’m looking for-- Connection Interrupted

[ooc: Audio for everyone, and action for those inside the beach house! There are plans for Ianto being found, so please avoid finding him~]

Audio

Jack, I...

*Heavy sound of a body collapsing*

[ooc: Ianto is back and canon updated as mentioned here. Action for Owen Harper, audio for everyone else with most likely disjointed replies! Unlikely to be action for anyone else as he's infected with a very contagious alien virus, and is dying.]

They keep followin' me. I think they like me!

[ooc: Age reversal curse! All replies assumed to be voice.]

The ducklings seem to be enjoying their new home.

( Non-IC cut to save flists from adorable duckie pictures )

They're staying on the end of the bed.

This is ridiculous.

Not only is the City full of people again – I do hate this curse – but I’ve been followed all the way home by these things.



Look, they’re trying to jump up the step to get into the house.

Nothing I do will make them stop following me. I tried to find their mother to see if that would work, but no sign of her. I tried walking fast, but well, they can move pretty fast themselves. I tried hiding from them, and they just cried and cried.

I really need some advice here.

[ooc: Anything goes! Harass him all you like!]

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is a town in North Wales, and it has one of the longest place names in the world.

One day, two English men visited the town for a little holiday. They got hungry, so visited the nearest fast food restaurant.

Now being English, of course they tried several times to pronounce it, but they failed every time. Getting fed up, they asked one of the staff to pronounce the name of the place they were in, very slowly so they could copy her and pronounce it correctly.

"Bur-ger King," she said.

(Just so you know, us Welsh aren't that crazy. We shorten it to Llanfairpwllgwyngyll sometimes.)

Edit: Jack Harkness, reply to this post the second you see it, or I shall throw every coffee bean in the house into the sea.

Message accidentally posted to Network.

Data analysis complete.

Result: Insufficient data to provide result. More data needed|

/Message

( Actiony for anyone in the beach house, particularly Gwen )

[ooc: Actiony for anyone in the beach house, and assumed voice for everyone else!]

Private//Unhackable (but certain people would probably be able to find it)

It's ridiculous. I'm jealous of the people that were cursed yesterday. Why couldn't I have been cursed? I wanted to see Dad so much, that I kept looking for him. It's not fair that the people who were cursed had terrible fathers and I wasn't when mine was a brilliant one.

Maybe another time, I hope. I want to see him again. Please, City, give me this much.

End Private//Unhackable

People in the beach house, there will be no coffee for a while. I'm taking the machine to pieces to clean it properly.

If you want some, go to the coffee house where the baristas pronounce it expresso.

My fellow citizens, I would like to cast your attention to this.

[Accidental Voice Post]

That's it. I can't, not any more.

There's no point.


[ooc: Ianto is affected by the Road Less Travelled curse! In this, he never came to Torchwood Three after Canary Wharf, and without the help needed, Lisa died anyway. And without her, or Torchwood, he believes that he has no reason to go on.

Actiony for all people in the beach house, and voice for everyone else. He's not actually in the beach house, though, you'll have to go looking.]

For the last time;

IT'S ESPRESSO NOT EXPRESSO.

I have noticed that many people don't actually know the difference between tailored clothing, and made to measure clothing. As the son of a master tailor, I have to admit I do find myself twitching when I hear the terms exchanged and used wrongly, so much like the informative post I made last month on caffeine, I shall make another about this.

My father was a magnificent tailor. He could tell the measurement of a man's inner leg just by watching him step over the shop threshold.

Tailored Clothing

Tailored clothing is completely made from scratch. A new pattern is created solely for that customer using only the customer's measurements, and then the piece of clothing, such as a shirt, or indeed an entire suit is created that is utterly unique. Several fittings are carried out as the suit is made.

In addition to this, the clothing is made exactly to the customer's liking, styles will be altered and collar and cuff sizing will be adjusted to the customer's preferences.

In the United Kingdom, this is called Bespoke Tailoring, and in most other parts of the world it is called Custom Tailoring. In this manner, no two suits will ever be the same.

Made-To-Measure Clothing

Made-To-Measure clothing is clothing that is made using an already existing pattern that has the closest match to the customer's measurements. Again, several fittings are carried out as the clothing is made, and then the final product is presented.

With this method, obviously some suits will be the same as others.

Altered Clothing

Altered clothing is where an already existing item of clothing is used and then either taken in or let out so it will fit the customer better than it did before.

Also in this way, the piece of clothing that already exists can be transformed into something that's almost completely different.

---

Now, to avoid further confusion, professional tailors are capable of doing all of these. Obviously made to measure clothing is made faster, and in the end is cheaper, but tailored clothing simply has a special quality to it that nothing else does.

Altered clothing is cheaper yet, especially if you already own the item.

I spent a lot of my childhood in my father's tailor shop, and saw a lot of examples of all three. I even learned some of the trade as I went, although by no means am I a professional tailor.

I wish people would stop asking me if I got attacked or mugged. I did not get attacked or mugged. I got these bruises running into a door.

...no? Well, I fell down some stairs.

Okay, okay! But it wasn't really Jack's or Kyle's fault. They only did it because I burned dinner.