You have reached Ianto Jones. I am unable to take your call right now, so please choose one of the following options.

#1 - If you would like to leave a voicemail
#2 - If you would like to send a text message
#3 - If you would like to have a voice conference
#4 - If you would like for me to return your call
#0 - If you would like to disconnect.

Thank you.

[ooc: Also jumping on the bandwagon! A way to get into contact with Ianto if he doesn't have a post to comment on, or it doesn't relate. Options are self-explanatory!]

They keep followin' me. I think they like me!

[ooc: Age reversal curse! All replies assumed to be voice.]

The ducklings seem to be enjoying their new home.

( Non-IC cut to save flists from adorable duckie pictures )

They're staying on the end of the bed.

This is ridiculous.

Not only is the City full of people again – I do hate this curse – but I’ve been followed all the way home by these things.



Look, they’re trying to jump up the step to get into the house.

Nothing I do will make them stop following me. I tried to find their mother to see if that would work, but no sign of her. I tried walking fast, but well, they can move pretty fast themselves. I tried hiding from them, and they just cried and cried.

I really need some advice here.

[ooc: Anything goes! Harass him all you like!]

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is a town in North Wales, and it has one of the longest place names in the world.

One day, two English men visited the town for a little holiday. They got hungry, so visited the nearest fast food restaurant.

Now being English, of course they tried several times to pronounce it, but they failed every time. Getting fed up, they asked one of the staff to pronounce the name of the place they were in, very slowly so they could copy her and pronounce it correctly.

"Bur-ger King," she said.

(Just so you know, us Welsh aren't that crazy. We shorten it to Llanfairpwllgwyngyll sometimes.)

Edit: Jack Harkness, reply to this post the second you see it, or I shall throw every coffee bean in the house into the sea.

Message accidentally posted to Network.

Data analysis complete.

Result: Insufficient data to provide result. More data needed|

/Message

( Actiony for anyone in the beach house, particularly Gwen )

[ooc: Actiony for anyone in the beach house, and assumed voice for everyone else!]

Private//Unhackable (but certain people would probably be able to find it)

It's ridiculous. I'm jealous of the people that were cursed yesterday. Why couldn't I have been cursed? I wanted to see Dad so much, that I kept looking for him. It's not fair that the people who were cursed had terrible fathers and I wasn't when mine was a brilliant one.

Maybe another time, I hope. I want to see him again. Please, City, give me this much.

End Private//Unhackable

People in the beach house, there will be no coffee for a while. I'm taking the machine to pieces to clean it properly.

If you want some, go to the coffee house where the baristas pronounce it expresso.

My fellow citizens, I would like to cast your attention to this.

[Accidental Voice Post]

That's it. I can't, not any more.

There's no point.


[ooc: Ianto is affected by the Road Less Travelled curse! In this, he never came to Torchwood Three after Canary Wharf, and without the help needed, Lisa died anyway. And without her, or Torchwood, he believes that he has no reason to go on.

Actiony for all people in the beach house, and voice for everyone else. He's not actually in the beach house, though, you'll have to go looking.]

For the last time;

IT'S ESPRESSO NOT EXPRESSO.

I have noticed that many people don't actually know the difference between tailored clothing, and made to measure clothing. As the son of a master tailor, I have to admit I do find myself twitching when I hear the terms exchanged and used wrongly, so much like the informative post I made last month on caffeine, I shall make another about this.

My father was a magnificent tailor. He could tell the measurement of a man's inner leg just by watching him step over the shop threshold.

Tailored Clothing

Tailored clothing is completely made from scratch. A new pattern is created solely for that customer using only the customer's measurements, and then the piece of clothing, such as a shirt, or indeed an entire suit is created that is utterly unique. Several fittings are carried out as the suit is made.

In addition to this, the clothing is made exactly to the customer's liking, styles will be altered and collar and cuff sizing will be adjusted to the customer's preferences.

In the United Kingdom, this is called Bespoke Tailoring, and in most other parts of the world it is called Custom Tailoring. In this manner, no two suits will ever be the same.

Made-To-Measure Clothing

Made-To-Measure clothing is clothing that is made using an already existing pattern that has the closest match to the customer's measurements. Again, several fittings are carried out as the clothing is made, and then the final product is presented.

With this method, obviously some suits will be the same as others.

Altered Clothing

Altered clothing is where an already existing item of clothing is used and then either taken in or let out so it will fit the customer better than it did before.

Also in this way, the piece of clothing that already exists can be transformed into something that's almost completely different.

---

Now, to avoid further confusion, professional tailors are capable of doing all of these. Obviously made to measure clothing is made faster, and in the end is cheaper, but tailored clothing simply has a special quality to it that nothing else does.

Altered clothing is cheaper yet, especially if you already own the item.

I spent a lot of my childhood in my father's tailor shop, and saw a lot of examples of all three. I even learned some of the trade as I went, although by no means am I a professional tailor.

I wish people would stop asking me if I got attacked or mugged. I did not get attacked or mugged. I got these bruises running into a door.

...no? Well, I fell down some stairs.

Okay, okay! But it wasn't really Jack's or Kyle's fault. They only did it because I burned dinner.

Yesterday was incredibly fun, especially as I ended up with an exceedingly high score.

Tony, aren't you lucky I was sniping for you, hmm?

It's be nice if the City provided more curses like that. Sometimes this place really isn't so bad at all, if you forget about all the maiming and killing and curses where you end up hating people you usually like.

I never said it was exactly the greatest place on earth now, did I?

Now it's all over though, back to work, and clearing up all damage from idiots that thought there were flags in the Library. Which there weren't. Honestly, who would hide a flag in the middle of the Yongle Dadian (the longest book in the world if you didn't know)?

Tonight, though, is for relaxing.

Allegedly, there are Clingons on the starboard bow.

Flagged to all employees of the City Library

It seems that Giles isn't coming back any time soon, despite the wait, unfortunately. It's a shame as he was an extremely efficient head librarian, and he definitely was a pleasure to work with.

However this means that we are indeed without a head librarian. I'm willing to step in as acting head, as I was before I left and Giles took over, unless someone else has an alternative?

I would like to stress that this would only be acting head, as I am more of an archivist than a librarian (although I am capable) and as soon as there is someone better suited to the job than I am, I will be more than willing to step aside.

Thank you for your time.

----

Even months later, I just saw one of those little fuzz balls rolling merrily across the floor. At least they're leaving all the fabrics alone.

This prompts me to ask a City wide question, what's the strangest pet you've ever had?

Torchwood/Beach House Filter

Jack, the creature in vault five has been with us nearly a week and a half, would you say it's time to release it yet? I still say it's odd that the only creatures we met last time we went down there were practically tame, you know.

Anyway, isn't it about time we went on another gather?

/filter

Attn: All people associated with, suffering from or have knowledge about Geostigma.


Do we have any centralised place that all sufferers can go? Trawling through the network has given me no joy, and it will probably be better for them all to at least have some company, rather than being forced into isolation by themselves.

I understand there is work being carried out to treat and hopefully cure this currently, but we still need to take care of these people in the meantime.

[ooc: He's cursed, go ahead!]

How to Cater for Your Caffeine Addiction.
As written by Ianto Jones.

As many know, I am a true lover of coffee, and thus of caffeine.

Caffeine is an amazing substance. A high dosage can be used to give you a kick start and a short burst of energy, while a lower amount consumed gives you something that’s longer and tides you over until you can either rest or sleep. As those of us who often pull all nighters know, caffeine can be a godsend.

However, not all of us enjoy the taste of coffee, and while I personally think this is blasphemy, I do have to accept that there is each to their own. Of course, an alternative is indeed tea, but whereas a decent cup of coffee will have around 100-125mg per cup, a cup of tea will only have a maximum of 75mg per cup, and could have even as little as 15mg per cup.

So what are the alternatives, you ask? Fortunately, there are many.

1) Pure Caffeine.
Obviously the most potent of all. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. This can be found in pill or powder form to cover your every need, and believe it or not, it is readily available. Caution must be taken when using this, though, as it is EXTREMELY easy to overdose on this, and have you ever seen someone overdosed of caffeine? I have and it is Not A Pretty Sight. You’ll be bouncing off the walls for hours with the jitters, and if you severely overdose, it can result in mania, paranoia and psychosis. In extreme cases, as with all drugs, it can indeed lead to death.

2) Caffeinated sweets
There is a vast, vast range of sweets, including chewing gum, lollipops and even chocolate coated espresso beans. The good thing is that the taste of the sweets hides the strange taste that caffeine presents. It’s easy to hide, too as most people will assume that you’re just eating sweets or chewing gum and won’t question you. Generally two pieces of chewing gum will contain the same amount of caffeine as a decent cup of coffee, and the sweets vary.

3) Non-Coffee and Tea Drinks.
These include:
Energy Boost Drinks. I’m not a fan of these as they generally taste foul, even if they do give you a decent kick.
Energy Shots. Like the above, except a massive kick in a tiny bottle. They also taste foul, but expect a decent 200mg of caffeine per drink.
Sports Drinks. These are good if you want a long-lasting energy boost and thus, as the name suggests, are excellent for sportsmen. They won’t give you a kick like most products will, but they also last much longer.
Dark Sodas. I hate these. They taste horrible, they’ll rot your teeth, and they have a measly 35-45mg caffeine per can.


4) Caffeine Body Products
These include shampoo, body wash and soap. Although they don’t give you much of a kick, they do leave your skin feeling lovely and tingly.

5) Caffeine patches.
My last example, and usually only for the most addicted. If you’ve ever given up smoking, you will know all about the nicotine version of these. Just slap it on your arm under your sleeve, and nobody will ever know.

ETA:

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site

Today I realised I have been in the City for one year. More specifically, it's the one year anniversary of my arrival, and although I have spent time outside of the City since, it's technically a year.

Although some would think it may not be much to celebrate, in some ways I do, and some I don't. I miss home, and more specifically some people back home, but if I hadn't come to the City, then there would be people I had never met. And I'm very glad I met them.

Anyway enough of that.

I hear there's a curse, and it's a bad idea to say those two words you'd usually say to a genie. I'll keep that in mind.

Abby, Gwen, Kyle? Drop a line here if you're okay. If you don't, I'll assume you're not and come looking. If I don't hear anything from you, Jack by the end of tomorrow, then I will definitely come looking.

[ooc: Sorry about the absence, haven't had internet access properly since Monday!]

( Private to Mickey Smith//Unhackable )

Today, I am doing nothing, apart from visiting Gwen. No cleaning, no working, no nothing. I mean it.

I expect certain other people to be doing the same.

Oh God, not this again. Someone please tell me that it's a ridiculous April Fools' joke.

[ooc: Anything goes!]